sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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