Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
4 words: hood of his car
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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