I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
