Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
