dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
