i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
