I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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