found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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