I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
