She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
