you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
