So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
