you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
