Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
