I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
