is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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