I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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