You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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