I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Randomize
