Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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