his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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