dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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