Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
