FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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