How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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