life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
try to milk me bitch
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