do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
