I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
and she was petting her beer can
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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