I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
