She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
