I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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