Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
