i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
