If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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