why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
