i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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