i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
