The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
