I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
