Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
