i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
