I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
