before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
