So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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