I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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