Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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