I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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