Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
only you would photoshop your dick
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
