I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize