apparently the secret to your success is patron
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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