My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
