I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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