I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
