Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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