mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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