I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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