I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
wanna go halves on a baby?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
