My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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