..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
