it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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