I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
