So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
