and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
