Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
