idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
