yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Actions speak louder than pants.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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