my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Don't make out with my wife yet
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
