Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
